just a cycle

maybe it’s only natural once you start getting used to doing something, but my life’s become a big cycle of going to work and looking forward to stuff. whether that’s Friday each week, or trips I’ve planned, or trips I intend to go on, I’m just always looking forward to stuff, even if what I’m looking forward to ends up not being quite as exciting as I’d imagined (most weekends aren’t).

perhaps this is the way working life is supposed to be. put in your hours, looking forward to the next time you’re going on vacation or hanging out with friends/family or whatever. and I guess ultimately looking forward to retirement. just an ongoing existence wherein enjoyment of life is inescapably tied to time spent not working – weekends, vacations, parties, movies, TV, retirement. and within the workday, I find myself looking forward to lunch break, looking forward to quittin’ time. is this pretty much gonna be the format for the next forty or so years? perpetually looking forward to time spent not working? better than not working, I suppose.

something needs to change – either I have to change my perspective, or I have to change my course. I’ve taken another part of the CPA since my last post, so assuming I passed that one, I have just one left, which I’ve started studying for. so another thing I’m looking forward to is being done with this test. but then what? I really don’t know.

funny thing about the CPA. the Becker guys keep joking that we’re going for it so we can make a lot of money. but I know that if I stay at the company I’m at right now, the CPA is of limited use. no bonus, no increase in salary, no increased chance of promotion, which is understandable considering the company pays for everything (classes, exam fees, membership fees after getting the designation). but the best way to benefit from the CPA would be to take another job or start a private practice – basically, to quit. sucks for the company that paid for the employee to get the credentials, but it’s somewhat inevitable. if the CPA is gonna serve me better elsewhere, I’d be stupid to stay.

anyway, I don’t know where my life is going. I don’t know if I’m ok with being bored for the next forty years. maybe if I get paid enough I’ll be ok with it. but how much is enough? Jesus, take the wheel.

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