who am I?

At Blimpie today, there was a guy asking the shopkeeper for a large amount of cash. Ended up getting most of what he asked for, but it was just strange. Wonder what was going on there. Shopkeep and the guy were counting the money right in front of me while I waited to get rung up too.

People always say “be yourself,” but what does that really mean? It’s certainly good to know and remember who you are and try to stay true to that, but where do you draw the line? I think there are environments where you can be yourself and others where you really can’t. In the latter, I guess you have to be a version of yourself that will suit said environment. Maybe that’s why people who work together like to go out for lunch, go to happy hour after work, and participate in other such events. Because in the office, you really can’t be yourself; generally, you have to be a version of yourself. And if you spend too much time in places where you have to be a version of yourself… well then, who are you?

Home is typically a place you can be yourself completely. I think a good way to get to know someone is to see the way they act at home. After all, the people at home are the people you never need to pretend or be someone else around, since they already know who you are. So truly, you can act normally and freely without having to worry about what people think, etc.

But it’s arguable that maybe trying to be a version of yourself may do more harm than good, especially if there are too many versions you have to keep up with. Maybe it is good advice to “be yourself.”

Perhaps the true answer is that we have to be who God has made us to be. It might not always be politically correct, it might not always please people, but I don’t think God is a big fan of people who act one way around one group of people and another way around another group.

I’m quite guilty of this, I realize. Instead of being who God wants me to be all the time, I’m being different versions of myself in different settings, and then being my disgruntled, complaining, commiserating self with people I feel more comfortable around. I’m always way too concerned about what other people think about me, instead of being concerned about what God thinks about me. This is something I need to work on, because life has pretty much sucked trying to live this way, and I’m sure God’s not surprised. I need to cling to Him and find my identity in Jesus – not in my job, not in what I studied in college, not in the friends I hang out with, not in the things I like to do and spend my money on – none of these things have sufficed, because none of them are supposed to. It’s nothing new. Just a reminder that what I need is not of this world. As much as I might enjoy the things of the world, they’ll never make me whole. It has to be Jesus.

I pray that God will work with me on fixing my eyes on Him instead of myself and the world, and I pray that anyone else I know who might be struggling similarly will also find all they need in Him. It’s time to stop chasing the wind.

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